May 02, 2015

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Sour Apples

Daniel was a curious and adventurous young boy. One day mid-summer, Daniel decided to set out to find the best tasting apple tree in the whole world. He didn’t know why but maybe he dreamt of a tasty apple last night. Like the majority of the working world, Daniel delved into his task without the slightest idea of why.

Armed with the ambition and jovial fearlessness all boys have, Daniel was off. On his way to the town orchard, Daniel asked Butcher Mike where he could find the tastiest apple in the world. The butcher replied “third tree from the left past the Richards house. Them apples is the tastiest and they is easy to grab – they hang low.”

When Daniel arrived at the tree that Butcher Mike told him about, he stared it up and down. He made sure it was the third tree from the left. Indeed it was. Daniel stood there and realized that they were far too high for him to grab. Butcher Mike is awfully tall so they might hang low for him. But Daniel is just a boy. He kicked the dirt like he meant it and made up his mind. “Maybe they aint easy to grab, but if they’s the tastiest ones – I’mma have em.” He thought.

Daniel made his way to the top of the tree and grabbed the biggest – juiciest apple his eye could see. He didn’t even wait until he dismounted the tree to take a bite. “Gee Dang it, that butcher don’t know his apples. This one’s sour. I like them sweet ones. My moms’ apples is better than these.” He said to himself as though he was the captain of a ship.

As he came down from the tree, he noticed Walker Johnny strolling along. Without a skip of a beat, Daniel asked “Hey Walker, help me find the worlds tastiest apples wont ya?”

“A lucky one you are little Dan.” Said Walker “Why, I’m headed there right now.”

So off they went past the abandoned farm and through Mr. Danforth’s corn field to find an apple tree in the middle of a steep hill. There was only one tree there and it looked like it knew how to make some sweet sweet apples.

As they approached the tree, Walker Johnny told Daniel that these apples were ones to reckon with. He told Daniel that the apples that fall off the trees were the tastiest. Daniel listened to Walker and picked an apple off the ground. It felt soft, not like an apple but more like a peach. When he looked down, Daniel saw a baby worm eating its way through the apple. He generously donated this one to Mr. Johnny.

“Ahh Yes.” Said Walker as he bit into the rotten bug-ridden apple. “These is the best tasting things on this whole planet. Aside from whisky of course.”

Walker Johnny was clearly drunk. His whisky bottle was already half gone. Daniel was upset so he made his way home. “Don’t listen to nobody.” He thought. “Ain’t nobody on this planet knows what’s good and what aint.”

On his way back to town, Daniel was pondering ways to find the best apple. His failure only made him crave it more. He was going to assemble a group of friends, so he thought until it hit him. Daniel saw Jessica Reed across the road, and, like any sensible man would – he forgot all of his ambitions. In all fairness, Jessica had a long ponytail.

Immediately when Jessica looked his way, Daniel forgot how many push ups he could do so he decided now was a great time to find out. He did a total of 12. That took plenty of effort and was surely enough to entice any woman to marriage.

When he looked up, Jessica was nowhere to be seen. “It aint worth it” thought Daniel. “This life aint worth living.” Surely it was true. He failed himself in finding the worlds tastiest apple and the love of his life didn’t care for him. He ran home so no one would see him cry.

Waiting on the table was three apples his mom had picked. She left a note for Daniel and it read “your favorite kind.” Daniel picked one up. One cannot be too distraught to enjoy a good apple. As he took a bite, Daniels taste buds jumped with joy. These were the best apples he’s ever tasted. “Sometimes the greatest treasures are buried in your backyard.” He thought. A wise boy he was.

“To each his own… Apple.” Said Daniel. This is the origin of the phrase “To each his own.” It was stolen from a Daniel child of 11, by Walker Johnny, to be made into a cliché.

Deep in thought, Daniel saw his older brother Tom walking down the road with ice cream. Tom immediately threw away his half eaten apple and harassed his brother to buy him some ice cream.

In any story, a scholar would look for a deeper meaning. If I were a scholar, I would say the moral of this story is: work up a great appetite because it makes ordinary things taste better.

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